Gaming Memories: Mastering Resident Evil Code: Veronica X

Hello dear readers and welcome back to the game room. I try to bring different things to the table, but I'll own up to this one fact: I talk about Resident Evil a lot. I try not to be repetitive, but the fact of the matter is that a lot of my greatest gaming memories come from playing it, and all in all it's probably my favorite video game franchise of all time. Anyway, today I want to talk about another one of my finer gaming accomplishments from one of my favorite games ever: obtaining an A ranking in Resident Evil Code: Veronica X.

I've spoken a bit about C:VX in my previous review of the Resident Evil franchise, but to quickly recap it is definitely my second favorite in the franchise, right behind the Gamecube remake at number one (and before the remake came out, it was my favorite). Over the years I've played through this game dozens of times, and even though I've never done a no-damage speedrun or anything like that, I think I've come pretty close to mastering it. But things weren't always this way.

In the late 90's Resident Evil was in its prime. With three critically acclaimed games down (and one stinker), the franchise was poised to expand at the turn of the century. And that it did when Resident Evil made the jump to 128-bit technology on the Sega Dreamcast in early 2000 with Code: Veronica. As a fan of the series from the very beginning, I marveled at screenshots I saw in gaming magazines. I wanted to play it quite badly, but there was only one problem- I didn't own a Dreamcast, nor did I even know anybody who did. I had to wait almost two whole years before I could play it, only after it was ported to the Playstation 2 as Resident Evil Code: Veronica X, a sort of remastered edition with new cutscenes and content.

Anyway, I played the hell out of it. I beat it from start to finish, played a little bit of the extra content, then beat it again, and again. By the fourth time, I had decided that I wanted to go after the big prize- the infinite rocket launcher bonus item, only obtainable after beating the game with an 'A' ranking. How does one achieve an A ranking, you ask? Well...

Every Resident Evil game had it's own standards for achieving an A rank, usually centered around beating the game under a certain time limit and keeping saves to a minimum, usually one or two. But C:VX took this a step further. The conditions to obtain an A are as follows:

-Beat the game in under 4 hours and 30 minutes.

-No saves at all.

-No deaths/retries.

-No use of instant healing first-aid spray items.

-Complete a brief optional mission.

Doesn't sound too difficult, right? Well this is quite a long game, in comparison to other RE games to that point. I probably saved over 20 times my first time through, dying at many different points along the way. This would be a challenge.

Part of the problem is just general fatigue as you go through. There's more than enough time granted to you to beat the game; if you know exactly where to go and what to do, it can be completed in under 4 hours. However, sitting still for that long without losing your will to play was a bit of a problem for a spastic kid like me. And boredom aside there was needing to eat along the way, getting up to use the bathroom, homework that needed to be squared away first, parents distracting you who didn't know you needed to make every second count - it felt as though the planets needed to align for your one perfect run. I needed to block out an ideal period of time to do it. I remember having to pick a day where I could set aside at least 4 and a half hours to do so, then planning a strategy for an optimal run. I wrote down the solution to every puzzle in a long list so I wouldn't have to take time reading texts or analyzing clues. I did a trial run through to maximize my time spent, charting every path along the way that led to an optimal route. After many preparations, I was ready. I set my four and a half hours aside, waited for the clock to be an even 12 noon, and was off. 

There are basically 8 major sections of the game which I break up as follows:

The prison

The palace

The military training facility

Return to the prison

Return to the palace/the airport

The antarctic base

Return to the military training facility as Chris -----> MIDWAY POINT

The antarctic base as Chris

The first half of the game you play as Claire Redfield, and once you hit the midway point you switch to playing as her brother Chris. Chris' opening sequence was like an adrenaline rush- you knew that once you got there, you were halfway through. Even the music that plays during his opening cutscene is inspiring. However, you also knew that Chris' part of the game starts getting harder and harder, all the way up to the end.

 

 Once you saw this opening shot, you knew you were halfway there.

There are several points in the game where you can screw up badly, and while most of them are in Chris' portion, Claire has a few points in her own. For example, during the boss fight right before the midpoint with the "Nosferatu" boss, you have to perfectly land 8 shots with a sniper rifle on the monster's exposed heart in order to kill it. If you miss even one, you have to rely on pumping it full of whatever bullets you have left in order to take it down. This requires you to play a bit conservatively beforehand, stocking up as much handgun bullets you have for Claire's handgun (which you should have upgraded to a burst-fire at this point). If you didn't you might be screwed, since you pretty much had to leave all of your other guns behind for Chris to pick up later. On top of that, the boss shoots out a purple gas which, if you are hit enough times by, causes Claire to become poisoned. If you are poisoned at this point, you'll need to retrieve a serum later on as Chris, which eats up about 5 minutes of time. Not that big of a deal, but when you're rushing through at nearly the end of the game, 5 minutes can seem like an eternity.

The idea is to land 8 shots directly on the monster's exposed heart. Doesn't sound too hard, but the first person sniper rifle controls are kinda wonky and you have to be careful not to get to close to him or he'll smack the crap out of you with his tentacles. However, get too far away and you won't be able to see him. In all my years of playing, I've never once landed all 8 shots on his heart.

 If you run out of sniper rifle bullets, you'll have to resort to shooting him with whatever other ammo you have left. You also have to be very careful to avoid getting hit by the purple gas he emits, otherwise you'll be poisoned and will need to find the antidote later on.

In Chris' half, there's three parts in particular that stick out in my mind where an entire runthrough can be ruined very quickly- the introduction of the "sweeper" enemies, one part where you briefly regain control of Claire and have to break open a glass ball, and the first boss fight with Alexia.

Sweepers are almost exactly the same as hunters, which are extremely dangerous enemies on their own- sweepers, however, will poison you every time they damage you, making them that much more lethal. At one point in Chris' game, you need to run past two sweepers which come at you from both sides, and if you stop to kill one, you're most likely done for. Since they can take you into caution with just two hits, the third is likely to kill you because they can perform an instant kill if you're in caution. I found this out the painfully hard way in my first run through when I made it to that point and tried to fight them off instead of just running past them- I was dropped pretty quickly and my run to that point was over.

In this section, sweepers come at you from the left and right. Your best bet is to avoid them, because if you aren't able to take them out quickly you'll be screwed. Even when avoiding them, you're likely to take a hit which can be very dangerous. One minor mistake here can doom an entire run, so this part was always extremely tense for me.

For a brief section of Chris' half of the game, you have to take control of Claire once again. Toward the end of the game you find a key card embedded inside of a glass ball and must use a giant stone slab to crush it and free the card. The slab rises to the ceiling on a chain and then falls, and just before it falls you must run underneath it and place the ball down down. However, if you aren't quick enough it's another instant death. Thankfully, I have never actually died here, but it's a nerve wracking moment since you are very close to the end at that point and one slip up could cost you the whole game.

And lastly, the part I remember the most is immediately after you regain control of Chris once Claire's brief section is finished and you have a boss fight with the transformed Alexia Ashford monster. It's not too terribly difficult, as it only requires five magnum shots to take her down. However, there's a bit of a hitch- if she gets too close to you, she can instantly kill you. Okay, so just stay far away from her, right? Well...if you're prepared, that's not too hard to do. However, there's a huge requirement before you can do that- you have to remember to equip the magnum as soon as the fight starts. See, before Claire's brief segment begins you must equip the knife as Chris in order to cut Claire out of this green snot-like stuff she's stuck to the wall with. However, when you regain control of Chris, you'll still be equipped with the knife. During one of my better runs, I was anxious to take Alexia down and completely forgot about it. I pressed the ready weapon button and mashed the fire button as soon as the fight began...only to take a slash at Alexia with the knife, who's standing right in front of you when it begins. Before I could scramble to recover from my mistake, it was too late- she was upon me and my entire run was ruined. This fight is only about 10 minutes away from the end of the game, so to come that close and fail was devastating.

 

You have to equip the knife in order to cut Claire out of this green snot-like shit. However…

 …you’d better be prepared to unequip it as soon as you regain control of Chris and the fight starts, otherwise your whole run might be done for.

I wanted to give up after that debacle, but after a week or so I knew I had to try one last time. I made a note on my puzzle guide that read: REMEMBER: EQUIP THE MAGNUM! and set out to do one more run. This time I was fully ready. I blazed through every part- Claire's first half, her second half, and by the time I reached the midway point at Chris' start I was totally pumped. Unfortunately I had gotten poisoned during the Nosferatu fight whereas I hadn't in the previous run, but it was no matter- I couldn't turn back now. I once again reached the fight with Alexia and this time I was ready- I pulled out my magnum and blasted away, taking her down without a hitch. I was totally stoked now- only one last boss fight stood between me and rocket launcher glory. But the final fight is anything but easy.

After taking down Alexia in the first fight, you do a little bit of running around before facing off with her once again, this time in two different forms- one in which she is a massive blob swinging tentacles around and spitting out annoying little smaller blobs that attack you, and a second in which she basically turns into a giant dragonfly and spits fire at you. I had a tendency to way overprepare for this fight- I would bring along the AK-47 with a 50% clip reload, the fully loaded submachine guns and the magnum, as well whatever extra healing items I could carry in my inventory. Really, all you need is the submachine guns. Even though the AK-47 is more powerful, the dual submachine guns are ideal because Chris points them in two different directions which allows you to have one shooting at Alexia and the other dealing with the little blobs she unleashes on you.

I had originally stuck with using the magnum since it's the most powerful out of all of them, but this time I tried the submachine gun strategy and found that it worked to my favor. Once her first form is dealt with and she turns into a killer mosquito, Alexia starts rapidly flying around above you and shooting fire at you every now and then. In order to kill her, you need to grab the ridiculous-sounding "linear launcher" (seriously, that sounds like a gun I would've made up in 6th grade) and take aim above you, timing it just right that the blast nails her in mid-air, and then you've done it. I grabbed the launcher and took aim, my heart pounding like crazy. I fired the shot, and....I missed. Again and again. To make matters worse, there's a countdown going down above you, and at that point there should only be about 2 and a half minutes left on it, so my anxiety was sky high. Thankfully, the launcher has infinite ammo- it's just annoying because it's pretty easy to lose track of Alexia as she buzzes around, especially though the view in the scope where it's hard to see where you're looking as it is. Also, as I mentioned before the first-person scope controls are kind of weird compared to the rest of the game, so you have to grapple with using the controls for a bit before you get the hang of it, and by then Alexia will most likely be spitting another volley of fireballs at you. She flies around so quickly that you need to anticipate where she's going to be, only firing when you're sure she'll fly straight into the blast. I tried again and again, getting more frustrated. Only one shot stood between me and the end. I'd done it before, I could do it again dammit!

The linear launcher controls just like the sniper rifle. This fight is even worse than the Nosferatu fight though because Alexia is buzzing around you like a pissed off bumble bee and spitting crap on you.

But finally, after what seemed like an agonizingly long period of time I fired the winning shot, hitting Alexia and ending the game. I felt great as the last ending cutscene played out, but I still stood in anxiousness. Despite my checklist, I still worried that I had missed something along the way, that I didn't satisfy one of the requirements, that my timer was off and I had gone over the 4 and a half hours, that I had done something wrong and my efforts would be in vain. I waited until the end credits, ready to see my ranking, and...

...there it was. The glorious A ranking. I'd done it. The rocket launcher was mine. I gleefully celebrated, but once again I restrained myself cautiously. How did I know for sure that it worked? The only way to find out was to start a new game and check. I did just that, skipping over all of the opening credits rapidly and  jumping right into a new game. I opened my inventory box-

-and there it was, the infinite rocket launcher, guaranteed to destroy anything in one shot. I immediately equipped it and ran out into the area where you first encounter zombies, in which you'd normally be armed with a measly knife. I rejoiced as I blew away every zombie that came near me, laughing as their burnt corpses hit the ground. And then I played through the whole game again. Not in one single go, but doing everything I hadn't been allowed to do in the main run. Saving every chance I got. Using aid sprays. Taking my sweet ass time. Wasting away every special weapon on the smallest of enemies. Defeating every boss with ease by using the rocket launcher. And it was a wonderful feeling. Thanks for reading.

Quick Thoughts: Paperboy For Sega Genesis

Hello dear readers and welcome back to the game room. If you had an NES when you were a kid, it's likely that you either owned or at least have heard of the game Paperboy. Originally released as an arcade game in 1984 and then ported to the NES in 1988, Paperboy is about as simple of a concept for a game as you can get: you deliver papers to houses each day of the week. However, the gameplay was a whole lot more than just that- you can gain or lose subscribers depending on how well you do, you have to avoid a ridiculous array of obstacles such as runaway tires, construction workers, breakdancers, and even the grim reaper himself, and it takes quite a bit of skill to land every paper on a doormat without breaking a few windows or smashing into anything yourself.

It has a distinct arcade style to it, and by that I mean there's less emphasis on a story or anything and more on getting the high score and testing your skill and accuracy. However, unlike many other arcade games that didn't make the jump to home consoles very gracefully, Paperboy did just fine on the NES as a game and is still very fun to play to this day. It's not a perfect game and tends to get a little boring faster than other games, but it's one that I've always enjoyed ever since I was a kid and can still pick up any time I get a chance.

However, what I want to talk about today is the Sega Genesis version of the game. Released by Tengen (the company best known for making those weirdly shaped black NES cartridges) in 1991, the Genesis port took a number of liberties with the game that make it quite different from the NES version I've been accustomed to for most of my life. I was actually a bit surprised to find out that the game was even released on Genesis at all, let alone that it was different from the NES version in any way. I've owned it for quite some time but haven't had much of a chance to play it until recently, so I have a few thoughts on it while it's fresh on my mind.

Well, it's not drastically different from the NES version. The general gameplay, controls, sound effects and music are all pretty much the same. However, there are a few upgrades in this version which make it pretty interesting (going from 8-bit to 16-bit, this should be expected). Firstly, a major difference is that there are now three distinct difficulty levels that can be chosen right off the bat- easy, medium and hard modes. This balances out the difficult a bit better than its NES counterpart, which had no selectable difficulty settings.

As I mentioned before, the graphical improvements are nice. Characters have a few added frames of animation, colors are more vibrant, and there seems to be a lot more "going on" at all times. For example, you can be riding down the road and there will be tires rolling at you, a man jackhammering, cars driving down the street, and kids riding bikes all in the same area. This increases the difficulty a bit too, as you'll be fighting to focus on landing a paper on a stoop while avoiding all of the obstacles at the same time. 

There seems to be a lot more things happening at once in the Genesis version as opposed to the NES version. I mean, how are you supposed to avoid an old lady pushing a grocery cart, not get run over by a car, smack a burglar trying to break into a house with a paper for extra points, AND deliver a paper to the house at the same time?

Another added effect in the Genesis version is the inclusion of digitized voices, a pretty novel concept at the time. Your character will frequently comment on how you are doing (for example, saying something like "what a great toss!" when you land a paper in a mailbox, or "one less customer" if you smash a window) and will also do so whenever you smack into something. By far the funniest thing he says, which I could not stop laughing at, is when you run into the drunk guy. Yes, there's a DRUNK GUY hobbling around as an obstacle in this game. Even better- when you hit him, your character will say "man, that guy's wasted!" Now that's amazing.

Yup, that guy in the suit is plastered and the game knows it. That's honestly the main reason I wanted to do a review of this game.

It's definitely a fun game, but sort of falls victim to the same problems as the original as well. The 45° perspective does give the game challenge, but also makes it fairly difficult to time your paper toss correctly most of the time. Also, there seems to be just too many things to run into, even more so in the Genesis version. You'll constantly be dodging obstacles, sometimes having to choose between not even attempting a paper throw or losing a life. However, there's actually less of a penalty for not throwing any papers- in fact, as long as you keep one single subscriber on the block of 20 houses, you can just keep playing and only have to deliver to that one house. Sure, you won't get as many points, but who cares? It's not like a high score is saved or anything, unlike the arcade version. Pretty ironic in a game where the primary objective is supposed to be delivering the papers, right?

Anyway, so that's Paperboy for Sega Genesis. Fun game, generally regarded as a classic, tends to get old a tad quick, but definitely good for a laugh when you crash your bike into a drunk pedestrian. Thanks for reading.

Gaming Memories: Beating Ninja Gaiden

Hello dear readers and welcome back to the game room. It's a clear sign of the changes to the video game industry as time has marched forward- games these days, by design, need to be beatable. That's not to say that games can't be made challenging- they certainly still are. But being able to actually beat a video game and see the ending is pretty much a prerequisite upon which the rest of the game is then founded on. Nowadays games have hugely adjustable difficulty levels, lengthy tutorials to teach even the newest of gamers how to play, and even have self-adjusting difficulty programmed into them, all in order to ensure that a game can always be played and beaten by gamers of any skill level. This was not always the case.

Long ago, when the video game industry was a mere speck of dust compared to what it is today, games were brutally unforgiving. Quality control wasn't always guaranteed and some games were buggy, incomplete messes because of it. However, others suffered from a different kind of flaw- massive difficulty without any reprieve. A bit of this was by design- arcade games were made intentionally more challenging with the notion that more money needed to be spent in order to complete them, and home console games often emulated (or at least attempted to emulate) arcade games as closely as possible, right down to insane levels of difficulty in some cases. Still, others were just unforgiving for the sake of being unforgiving, and Ninja Gaiden is a prime example of this.

Interestingly, Ninja Gaiden actually was one such quarter-eating arcade game; however, it was changed drastically when ported to the NES and became a fast-paced action platformer as opposed to a button-mashing beat 'em up. Despite everything that's been said about its difficulty, Ninja Gaiden is a fantastic game for the NES library- the graphics are wonderful, the controls are fluent, and it was even well ahead of its time with a detailed story and cutscenes between every level. In fact, the only real problem with the game comes from how hard it can be at times.

 The game was one of the first on the NES to have wonderfully detailed and lengthy cutscenes that explained the plot.

Now, I should say that while Ninja Gaiden is very difficult, it's definitely far from the hardest game ever. In fact, it's second sequel Ninja Gaiden III may have that distinction, but I digress. It's certainly challenging, but it is beatable if you buckle down and refuse to quit. However, getting to the point where you don't want to quit is perhaps the most challenging thing about the game. You'll go through cycles of frustration and exhaustion playing through the same levels and getting killed over and over again, but with true determination and fortitude can you make it through.

I didn't have Ninja Gaiden as a kid and in fact had never really known about it until much later, when I saw this episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd in which he reviews Ninja Gaiden and discusses its legendary difficulty. However, watching his struggle and eventual failure to complete it actually inspired me to one day give it a shot myself. I remember seeing it at a store and then picking it up, wondering what kind of trouble I was making for myself now. I knew that it would be an incredibly tough challenge, but I was determined to give it my best shot. 

Now perhaps I should discuss why this game is so difficult, for those who are unaware. It was a pretty common theme of platforming games in the 80's and 90's that when your character takes damage, they get knocked backwards. This has been true since the very beginning and even through critically acclaimed games like Castlevania. Anyway, this is the biggest problem with Ninja Gaiden that most often results in death, due to a large amount of both pitfalls to get knocked into as well as enemies that do the aforementioned knocking. At any given time the screen can be filled with quick moving enemies who run at you, fire projectiles, or dive bomb you in the air. At the same time, if you get hit by one of these things, you're very likely to go flying back and fall to your doom. Also, enemies respawn immediately and infinitely if you are standing offscreen enough to trigger their spawning zone, meaning you could potentially be stuck killing the same enemy over and over again without moving forward. Because of this, the game kind of rewards you for playing quickly and recklessly; as long as you keep moving forward, even if you are taking continual damage it's better than being stuck in one area.

The thing is though, it's rarely an unavoidable situation to fall and die; if you get hit and fall back, it is most likely your own fault for not counterattacking early enough or performing a precise enough jump. As such, it's just frustrating enough to make you want to keep playing. On top of that, you're given infinite continues. You have three lives and once you lose all three, you'll have to go back to the beginning of the stage you are on; however, you can pretty much keep playing continually until you either beat it or give up in good old fashioned rage-quit form.

Of course, there are a few bullshit areas. There's the infamous area in level 6-2 where unless you perform a glitch to make an enemy disappear offscreen (described by AVGN in his episode), it's nearly impossible to progress. There's also an area I'll describe more in a bit in which you have to jump downward but immediately pull back, timing your jump well enough that you grab onto a wall where you can safely jump to the other side. And of course, there's the biggest hitch in the entire game- getting sent back THREE levels if you die at the final boss. The boss has three different forms and if you defeat one, you won't have to replay it at any point if you die- however, should you lose all of your lives and have to continue, you'll need to play levels 6-1, 6-2, AND 6-3 all over again just to get another shot at it, which are the three hardest sections of the entire game, mind you.

This guy causes what is perhaps the hardest moment in the entire game. Birds are flying at you, other enemies are running in offscreen, and the guy to the right is standing on a platform too narrow to land on and counterattack. It's possible, but it requires pixel-perfect accuracy to take him out and move on, otherwise you'll likely be knocked into the pit and die. Alternatively, you can much more easily trigger a glitch and be done with it.

With all this knowledge in mind thanks to good old AVGN, I decided to give the hardest game I could get my hands on a go. The first few levels aren't that bad; you get a feel for how fast paced the hack and slash action is and also get some practice with the wall climbing mechanics, which are a bit tricky to get a handle on at first. Actually, I find that things don't really start getting very hard until level 5-2, the cliff side level.

Here's where getting knocked back and having to grab onto walls becomes quite a nuisance. Everything in the entire world is attacking you- birds, lions, statues, ninjas, even ninjas WITH JETPACKS! It's coming at you from all angles. You can't screw around on these stages anymore, you've really got to maneuver with precision. Once I got here, I kept getting stuck and dying at the part I spoke of earlier at the cliff wall, where you have to jump down and backward in order to grip the wall. This part is particularly difficult because when you jump, unless you are tightly holding the control pad in one direction, your jump does not go very far. As such, it's hard to jump forward and then "steer" yourself backward onto the wall below you at a low enough point that you'll be able to jump forward. On top of that, there's a damn bird that flies in and deals damage to you at the part, and unless you have a special projectile weapon available (from VERY limited munitions, I might add), there's nothing you can do about it. Yeah, you can't use your sword when gripping a wall. I died on this part over and over, eventually giving up in frustration. But I wasn't finished with my ninja quest just yet.

 This part was incredibly annoying to me. You have to jump downward, carefully avoiding getting too close to either wall but "steering" yourself leftward...

...getting JUST close enough to the left wall to grab on, then jump to safety to the right. If your timing isn't perfect, you'll either grab onto a wall too early or just jump straight into the pit. Oh, and the bird is attacking the whole time and you're totally defenseless while doing all this.

A few days later, I was back at it. With no save or password features, I had to play through all of the previous levels again in order to get back to that spot on the cliff. This time, with just a little extra patience I managed to get through it. From here there's a few more tricky parts in the next levels, but eventually you find yourself at the dreaded level 6-1.

I knew what to expect from here, but nothing can truly prepare you until you have to do it yourself. What's interesting is that if you clear one of the three levels and then lose all of your lives in the next one, you can restart at that level without having to go all the way back. It's only if you die at the final boss will you find yourself back at 6-1. Because of this, I developed a bit of a strategy here. I would make to level 6-3 (which was easier said than done, since I would have to make use of the glitch in 6-2 every time just to get beyond it) then purposely die until I could continue with three lives. Then, I'd attempt to get to the final boss with as much health as possible, preferably a full life bar, so I could have a shot at him without getting killed immediately. 

The first incarnation of the boss is not very difficult at all- you just have to slash away at an orange orb that hangs in the background behind him. However, the second is where things start to get much harder. This time, he gravitates around the top of the room, firing off fast projectiles that come right at you. The only way to dodge these and have enough time to land a quick hit is by timing a jump right, grabbing onto a wall and then jumping back while simultaneously attacking and avoiding the fireball. At first, I kept getting killed at this guy over and over again and would be stuck back at 6-1 repeatedly. It was annoying, but I knew that if I could just power through this part, I'd be up to form #3 and just a few slashes away from beating it.

The final boss has three forms, and if you lose all your lives on one of them, it's back to the beginning of 6-1.

I buckled down and pressed onward, each time getting more and more annoyed at the things levels 6-1, 6-2 and 6-3 throw at you. However, I was determined to stay the course. Each time I'd make it back to the boss, I'd do a little bit better. Finally, I had the pattern down and knew what to do. I jumped, slashed, dodged and repeated. The ninja energy flowed with me. And then I had him- with one last slash of my sword, he was defeated. However, one last form still remained.

The final form doesn't even look like it belongs in the game at all- it'd be more at home in some weird alien game instead. Nonetheless, you have to attack it pretty quickly, as soon as you get the chance. It always lands a cheap, unavoidable hit on you as soon as the fight begins, but after that things are pretty straight forward. You hack away at the monster's head until it literally falls off, at which point fireballs will start spraying out of it's neck like an erupting volcano. It's madness- you have to dodge a constant barrage of shit falling on you, but I kept at it. My adrenaline was pumping, my hands sweaty as I struggled to keep my composure and hang onto the controller for dear life. Every chance I got, I tried to land another hit. I was getting closer- its remaining health was far below mine. I finally resorted to just slashing away without regard, hoping it would just die before I did-

-and then, I did it. The thing died, the triumphant last scenes played, and then the credits rolled. I was overjoyed- I had just beaten one of the most notoriously difficult games in the NES library. All I could think to do was whip out my camera and snap a picture to prove I had done it, which I still have to this day:

Ah, what a glorious feeling. I've never attempted to beat either of it's sequels and I suspect that beating Ninja Gaiden III would be the crown jewel of NES achievements, since it is the only one out of the three that has limited continues. But for now, I'm just happy I made it through the first game in one piece. Thanks for reading.

Collection Additions Volume 7: A mixed bag of stuff

Hello dear readers and welcome back to the game room. When collecting games (or anything for that matter), I suppose the ultimate goal is to find the items of your interest wherever you can, obtaining as much as you can as economically as possible. After all, it can't entirely be done online, otherwise it would take forever and cost a fortune. So yesterday when I found myself at a local event for gaming enthusiasts, sellers and collectors alike, I circled the room like a shark looking for anything cool to get my hands on for a good price. So what'd I get? Let's check it out.

That's three Turbo Grafx 16 games (TV Sports Hockey, Takin' It To The Hoop, and Moto Roader), Super Bomberman 4 for the Super Famicom, Super Metroid for the Super Nintendo, and a Gold Nintendo 64 controller in great condition.

As I've mentioned before in previous posts, I'm a sucker for Turbo Grafx 16 games whenever I see them, no matter what they are, especially if they come with anything additional besides the actual game. In this case, I grabbed a buy 2 get 1 deal for these three, picking up 'Takin' It To The Hoop (about 10 bucks on eBay) for free. Two came with the inner jewel cases and manuals, and one just with the jewel case. As I've mentioned before, I wouldn't really consider the two with manuals "complete" because they're missing the large outer cardboard boxes, but they're still the most complete TG-16 games I own thus far. I haven't had a chance to try any of them out yet but most likely will do so soon.

Super Bomberman 4 is an interesting one. Since I just picked up a Super Famicom a few months ago, I've been on the hunt for games I can get for it. I've always had a huge interest in playing games that were exclusive to other countries, and Super Bomberman 4 is one such title. Here in the US we only got Super Bomberman 1 and 2, but Japan kept going all the way until #5. Anyway, when I saw it at the expo for a cheap price, I pounced on it and am quite happy with my decision, as I now have my first Japanese-exclusive Super Famicom game.

The gold N64 controller was also a nice pickup. This controller was packaged with the special Toys 'R Us-exclusive gold N64 console. It's in great condition, which isn't always guaranteed of N64 controllers- often times the sticks are so worn down and wobbly that it can really impact the playability of certain games. However, on this one the stick is nice and tight. Also, I got it for about half the price of what you'd normally find it for on eBay, which is always a good thing.

Super Metroid was probably my biggest score of the whole trip. I've been meaning to pick up this game for quite a while, as it has a reputation for being one of the best Super Nintendo games in the entire library. However, the price has often deterred me- for the most part, it hasn't been available for anything less that $50-55. My friend and I were just getting ready to leave the expo when I mentioned to him that I wanted to do one last circle around the tables for anything I might've missed. I spotted it at a table I had passed by numerous times already, plucking it out from a pile of other SNES games when I noticed that it was selling for a good deal less than the standard price. The cart was a bit dirty and had some writing on the back of it in marker, but it's nothing a little rubbing alcohol won't take off. I had a chance to try it out and it works perfectly, so I'm chalking this one up as a big win for me.

So that's all for now, thanks for reading and as always, game on.

Conker's Bad Fur Day and Video Game Art

**This editorial contains spoilers for Conker's Bad Fur Day**

Hello dear readers and welcome back to the game room. In today's editorial, we'll be addressing a profound question, one that has generated a wide variety of opinions, especially in recent years: are video games art?

Of course, there's no right or wrong answer to this question, at least in my opinion. By its own nature, art is subjective- it's meant to be interpreted individually. Yes, video games are simply multimedia entertainment designed to be sold and consumed, but what about the stories they craft? The emotions they evoke? The messages they convey? And this isn't even including the vast amount of creative design involved in crafting levels, backgrounds, character models, etc.

Either way, as I see it, yes, video games are art. If they aren't then neither are books, movies, or paintings. And anyone who believes otherwise is entitled to their own opinion, but all I ask you to do is play a few games in the Metal Gear franchise and you just might change your mind. But anyway, what does any of this have to do with Conker's Bad Fur Day, you ask?

In the mid 90s, Rareware was an innocuous company best known for games like the Donkey Kong Country Trilogy on Super Nintendo and Banjo-Kazooie on Nintendo 64. They also had a harmless little kiddie game on the Game Boy Color called Conker's Pocket Tales about a cute little squirrel who had to rescue birthday presents. Conker also appeared as a playable character in the similarly fun-for-all Diddy Kong Racing on the N64, but besides that he hadn't done much else yet.

Then, in the year 2001 Rare shocked the entire gaming world by releasing Conker's Bad Fur Day, turning that cute little squirrel into a foul-mouthed drunkard who pissed on things, bounced on top a sunflower with enormous breasts, and fought a giant sentient mound shit that sang opera. Well then.

The typically child-friendly Nintendo unofficially disowned the game and it was slapped with all kinds of warning labels stating that it was not meant for anyone under the age of 17. It was released pretty late in the N64's life cycle as the Gamecube was right around the corner, so it was sort of quietly shuffled under the rug and never heard from again (that is, until it was re-released with graphical upgrades for the Xbox three years later). However, despite the multitude of sophomoric humor and the fact that it was pretty much commercially ignored when it was first released, some people might not realize that underneath everything, it is a truly great game. It cleverly mocks the biggest tropes of both the industry and pop culture in general at the time by placing such cute and cuddly characters into violent, grotesque scenarios. It's hilarious and scathingly self-aware. It has fantastic graphics for its time. And it has a surrealist nature throughout- you'll constantly be asking yourself, did I really just do that? Did I just play a game where I had to get a cow to shit into a hole, smash a gigantic talking boiler's brass testicles between two bricks, and cause a rat to explode by feeding him too much cheese?

You truly will not believe that you're in a boss battle with a pile of shit that's singing opera.

It happens over and over again, from the beginning to the very end. But still, it's a blast. It's incredibly diverse- one minute you'll be shooting zombies and vampire bats in a graveyard dressed like Van Helsing, the next you'll be riding a velociraptor fighting a giant neanderthal caveman. And perhaps more importantly than anything, it pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable, not only in a Nintendo game but in a video game in general. It's absurd, it's crazy, and it's the kind of fun you wish would turn up more often in video games. You can tell the developers didn't give much a damn about being censored; their collective id ran wild and they just threw the Banjo-Kazooie formula in a blender with some filth, alcohol and poop jokes- and out came Conker's BFD.

However, what I want to talk about the most is the ending of the game. The sobering moment when all the fun stops and suddenly, you're left alone in the darkness wondering what the hell just happened. But let's talk about the story first.

Conker the Squirrel is living a care-free life with his, uh, well-endowed girlfriend Berri- often ditching her to hang out and get drunk with his buddies at the local bar. One night after a particularly lengthy bout of drinking, Conker drunkenly wanders off into the wilderness and gets lost. When he wakes up the next morning with a hangover that would slay a moose, he realizes that he has no idea where he is and must find his way home. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, the evil Panther King is trying to enjoy a glass of milk when he notices that his table stand is missing a leg, and because of this he keeps spilling his milk. In order to remedy the problem, he needs a red squirrel that would perfectly substitute for a missing table leg, and Conker fits the bill quite nicely.

And...that's the whole plot. Along the way Conker also completes plenty of odd jobs to score some money for no real reason other than the fact that he wants to be rich, searches for Berri, and falls in and out of crazy situations on an adventure to find his way home. It might seem like the game lacks focus, but it's done so by design; the hilarious thing about the evil Panther King is that Conker doesn't even know who he is or ever hears about him at all until the last 10 minutes or so of the entire game, at which point he learns that he's been hunted the entire time. And even then, it's pretty irrelevant.

In truth, the King's top scientist has been pulling the strings the entire time in a quest for world domination, and in a stunning twist he kills the Panther King by causing an alien monster (straight out of the movie Alien, mind you) to burst out of the King's chest, killing him before he even lifts a finger to fight Conker. Before he dies, however, the King orders a mob boss known as Don Weaso to execute Berri. He obliges, mercilessly mowing her down with a machine gun before your very eyes. After his love dies in his arms, Conker does battle with the alien (once again, in a mech suit straight out of Aliens), but just before the alien can land the final blow...

...the game soft locks. Conker is left aware, however, and realizes that there's been a massive game-breaking glitch left in the game that the programmers have overlooked. In a fourth-wall breaking moment, Conker asks if there's any developers available to help solve the problem. He finds one, who also grants him access to a large katana in exhange for not telling anyone that the game has been released with a huge glitch left in it. When the developer restarts the game, Conker slays the beast once and for all and everything is well and good again- however, Conker suddenly realizes that he's all alone. Everyone is dead, including Berri. Conker frantically begs for the developer to come back and resurrect Berri, but to no avail. At that moment, every minor character you've interacted with over the course of the game comes bursting into the throne room, cheering at the death of the evil King and declaring Conker the new king of all the land.

Conker laments that he hates every obnoxious character and that he doesn't want any of it, but nobody listens- he's the king now and he's stuck in that position forever. As the camera pans in on Conker in the throne, surrounded by annoying characters he never liked to begin with yet completely alone at the same time, the following monolouge plays:

"So, there I am. King. King of all the land. Who'da thought that. Heh, not me. I guess you know who these guys are now, 'cause I certainly do. I don't wanna know them. And yep, I may be king, and have all the money in the world. And all the land, and all that stuff. But you know...I don't really think I want it.

I just wanna go home. With Berri. And, I don't know, have a bottle of beer. Hmm. (Heavy sigh)....it's not gonna happen. It's true what they say, the grass is always greener. And you don't really know it is you have....until it's gone. Gone. Gone....."

The game fades to black, and over the sound of thunder and rain an extremely melancholic tune plays as the credits roll. And that's it. There's a brief scene at the end of the credits where Conker has a drink at the bar alone which was meant to tease a potential sequel, but to make things even sadder, this sequel never saw the light of day and Conker simply faded into video game obscurity. But forget about that- what I want to talk about is the ending.

It's...perfect. It's beautiful. And in my opinion it's art in its purest form, as far as video games are concerned.

It presents such a deep contrast to the goofy nature of the rest of the game, but it's really the only way that such an unconventional game could've ended, I think. I'm a pretty firm believer in the sentiment that if you want to make a truly profound statement in the medium of your choosing, you need to do something that nobody sees coming. You need to defy conventions and tropes and hit your audience hard with the unexpected. Nobody would expect such a serious, depressing ending coming from a game where earlier there's an objective to get drunk and piss on things. And that's the wonderful, yet horrible thing about it- it's exactly what you wouldn't be expecting, and not in a good way.

The rug is torn out from underneath you and you go from laughing your head off to a feeling of utter emptiness. You're reminded that no matter how good things feel sometimes, not every story has a happy ending. It's a kick in the face for everyone who spent the whole game giggling at poop and pee jokes.You're repeatedly shocked by the absurdist nature throughout the whole game and keep wondering what the hell they're going to throw at you next, and by the time you get to the ending all you can do is speculate on how they're going to top all of the insane things you've just been through. However, nothing can prepare you for having all of that thrown out the window at the last second in favor of one of the most depressing endings ever for a video game. And this isn't even mentioning the fact that Conker has mostly been a greedy, self-centered dick to everyone, including his girlfriend, for the entire game. We're meant to empathize with him in those last moments, but at the same time we realize that maybe he actually is paying the price at the end as he stews in misery.

It's all of the irony that hits you the hardest, especially when you realize that you've been playing this generally lighthearted spoof game that suddenly took a dark twist in the end. You don't know how to feel anymore. You're lost and confused, just like Conker himself. It wasn't supposed to end like this, you tell yourself. But it did, and the game gives you one last unexpected "I can't believe it" moment. And that, to me, is the mark of video game art. Thanks for reading.