Welcome back to the game room dear readers, and prepare to travel to the weird side today as I discuss some of the strangest, outrageous, and most ridiculous moments I've experienced while playing video games over the years. Also, I should warn that this will contain spoilers for a lot of games.
10. Doom II (PC)- John Romero’s head
So the year was 1994 and I was just having a blast slaying demons
from hell in this game. In fact, much of my childhood was spent exactly this
way with the granddaddy of all first-person shooters. I hadn’t even really
learned the term “Easter egg” yet, but probably the first time I ever
experienced one was when I was having fun playing with the no clip feature of
Dooms’ cheat codes that just about everyone on the planet knew. In the last
level of the game, Map 30 (the Icon of Sin, as you Doom fans should know
already), upon clipping into the hole fixed to the wall that is supposed to be
the final boss monster’s head, you’ll be treated to the surprise of a small
hidden chamber with a bloody, impaled head on a stick. It wasn’t until much
later in my life that I discovered that this was the head of John Romero, one
of the head programmers of the game who had craftily snuck his own image into
the level, but at the time, I had no idea as a 7 year-old playing this game. I
just remember being utterly shocked and disturbed not only to find it there
after a bit of random futzing around, but also that the head actually screams
if you shoot at it! Might not seem like such a big deal by today’s standards,
but this may have been the very first time I ever really felt taken aback by
something I saw in a video game.
9. Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (Sega Genesis)- Metropolis Zone has three
acts
Sonic 2 is one of the all time great video game sequels and
probably the most well known and beloved entry in the series (I personally like
Sonic & Knuckles the best, but I’m an asshole). This game is always worth a
playthrough if you’re bored with other games, but unless you’re a video game wizard
(which I am certainly not), be prepared to die at least a few times once you
get to the later levels- especially
the freakin’ Metropolis Zone. Even if you’ve gathered the 7 chaos emeralds and
blasted through the previous levels as Super Sonic, this zone simply has no
mercy. You’ll find yourself lost in a maze of machinery, plagued by those
goddamn mantis and crab robots, and begging for just one spare ring as you
traverse the level. But the worst part about this wretched level? Unlike all of
the previous levels you’ve been through so far, this relentless level has THREE
ACTS! In the previous seven zones, you’ve already grown accustomed to navigating
two levels and facing a boss at the end of the second, but not this time! As a
kid, I remember wanting to break my Genesis in half over the shock that I had
barely made it through the first two levels, yet it still wasn’t over upon
entering that third act for the first time.
8. Resident Evil 3 (Sony Playstation)- Nemesis follows you through
rooms
If you’re an adamant fan of the Resident Evil series, you’ve
probably played through the first three games of the franchise at least once in
your life. And what was one precedent that was set in the first two games that
we could always fall back on when the situation got dire? That’s right- exiting
a room will allow you to escape danger. I know I certainly exploited the hell
out of this in the first two games when I found myself overwhelmed with zombies
and other bio-organic monstrosities. But then RE3 came along and shattered that
precedent before your very eyes as you encounter the Nemesis, a horrifically
powerful monster that relentlessly stalks you throughout the game. If you’re
low on ammo and health, running into this guy can be the worst thing ever- but
hey, no big deal, right? Just use that newly implemented 360 degree spin on the
controller and hop on outta that room, he can’t get to you that way. Right? Uh….right?
Wrong. As soon as the door is off screen, you’ll hear it slam open and Nemmy
will be right on top of you once again. This completely threw out the
previously established rules of the first two games that monsters can’t follow
you through different rooms. Well, as was in my case when I first tried this…it’s
time to think again about that strategy.
7. Pikmin 2 (Nintendo Gamecube) –The Water Wraith
What’s worse than an enemy that relentlessly stalks you from
room to room? Why, an enemy that relentlessly stalks you from room to room that
you can’t even fight back against! Such
is the case of the horrific Water Wraith enemy in Pikmin 2, which thankfully
you will only encounter once in the game in the Submerged Castle dungeon of the
Perplexing Pool level. The creature, which looks like the Pillsbury doughboy if
he were made out of Jell-O and riding on a concrete steamroller, unexpectedly
drops in on you in the second floor of the dungeon. Try attacking it like any
other enemy you’ve encountered to this point and you’ll find that it’s utterly
useless- the thing can’t be hurt at all. At the final floor of the dungeon, you’ll
discover that only Purple Pikmin can destroy the beast- however, since the
entrance to the dungeon is underwater, you’ll only be able to enter
with blue Pikmin, meaning that until you get to that last floor, you’re at this
monstrosity’s mercy. Not only that, but it can instantly flatten and decimate
your entire Pikmin squad in seconds and it’ll actively hunt you throughout the
dungeon while emitting horrible otherworldly grunts. It even has it's own
horrific theme song. The first time encountering this thing, I had no idea how
to handle it. All I could do was run around in circles scrambling to figure out
what the hell to do and how to escape the wrath of this monster.
6. Halo (Microsoft Xbox)- The special legendary ending
Admittedly, it’s not too terribly difficult to beat the
original Halo on legendary anymore, after playing it and it’s sequels for over
a decade now. But back in the day, some of us first-time Xbox players had quite
an ordeal escaping the clutches of the legendary difficulty in one piece. I
distinctly remember my friend Dave telling me he’d heard a rumor that upon
beating the game on legendary, a spectacular secret awaited those who managed to make it
through. Nearly every day that summer, I’d get up in the morning and race over
to his house, where we’d take on the horrible legendary mode playing
cooperatively, dying over and over and over again through each level (The Library,
anyone?) until one by one, we eventually conquered them. Finally, when at last
the final level of the game was beaten, we eagerly awaited our prize. But for
all of our hard work and dedication, what did we get? A 20 second clip of Sergeant
Johnson fighting over an assault rifle with an elite, only to reconcile their
differences with a big ‘ol hug as the Pillar of Autumn explodes behind them.
And that’s it. Our jaws were on the floor as the credits began rolling
afterward. Nowadays we joke about this and always have a good laugh, so I guess
it did its job at being memorable- but back then, we felt anything but rewarded
after going through that hell and back.
5. Bomberman 64 (Nintendo 64)- Sirius’ betrayal and Rainbow
Palace
I have a lot of truly fond memories of playing this game,
and unless I’m mistaken and this game is more popular than I know, I feel like
it’s a criminally underrated N64 classic. Back in the day I played the shit out
of this game, whether it was in the story mode or doing battle with friends in
the insanely fun multiplayer. However, I had quite difficulty obtaining all 100
of the golden cards that are scattered throughout the levels and are awarded by
beating bosses in certain ways. In particular, I couldn’t figure out how the
hell to get one of them in particular in the 2nd stage boss of Black
Fortress, the final world of the game. I stuck with it though and one day was
finally rewarded by obtaining it, at which point I promptly headed to the final
boss to see if there was any extra reward. However, what I completely didn’t
expect was that upon beating the game with all 100 golden cards, you’ll be betrayed
by Sirius, a character who’d been previously helping you throughout the game.
And not only that, but to my utter shock, the game wasn’t over yet and a secret
6th world awaited! By this point I’d been playing the game for a
very long time and was so completely stunned to find that there was more to it
than I knew. And not just more, but a very surreal and dream-like world with
extremely difficult puzzles to solve (and a very creepy 2nd level
boss, I might add).
4. Earthworm Jim 2 (Sega Genesis/SNES)- Jim Is Now A Blind Cave
Salamander!
Earthworm Jim and its equally wacky sequel are easily some
of most outlandishly creative and fantastically weird games ever conceived. I
mean, as if the premise of an earthworm running around inside of an alien suit
chasing an intergalactic alien crow across the galaxy wasn’t crazy enough, the
second game will have you fighting a giant unicycle-riding maggot, bouncing
puppies off of a giant marshmallow, and being attacked by a salt shaker through
a level made entirely of food. But the most bizarre level of the game has to be
the aptly-titled “Jim Is Now a Blind Cave Salamander!”, also known as “Villi
People.” After 3 levels of playing as Jim, you’re now transformed into a
salamander carrying a gun, swimming through what appears to be intestines (intestinal
villi are tiny buds that line the walls of the small intestine and aid in
digestion) while shooting at sheep, dodging bumpers and pencils sticking out of
the wall, and collecting worms (more on that in a moment). Oh, and Beethoven’s Moonlight
Sonata is playing as the level music. There’s also what appears to be a tiled
floor and windows looking out on the world. What drugs were they on when they
made this? This level actually disturbed the hell out of me when I was kid.
These days I love how spectacularly nonsensical it all is, but something about the
surreal and strange nature just really weirded me out when I was younger. Oh,
and remember those worms I mentioned before? At the end of the level you’ll
suddenly find yourself in a gameshow out of nowhere, where you can exchange the
worms for chances to answer questions and win prizes. And by the way, the
questions make no sense whatsoever and it’s fantastic.
3. Silent Hill 2 (Sony Playstation 2)- Two Pyramid Heads
I’ve been talking a lot about relentlessly stalking enemies,
haven’t I? Well good old Pyramid Head from Silent Hill 2 pretty well fits the
bill in that category. The hulking, knife-wielding monster periodically
materializes from the darkness and attacks you, and I was certainly one of those
gamers terrified at the mere mention of his name. However, nothing on Earth
could prepare me for the penultimate confrontation of the game, in which you’ll
do battle with not one, but two
Pyramid Heads. Admittedly, the first time I played this game I wasn’t too well-versed
in subtext (or psychopathology for that matter, which I am now) and at that
point in the game, I had no idea what the hell was even happening in the story
anymore. I understand the reasoning now and it certainly makes sense within the
lore of the game, but at the time I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it, so
walking into that room and seeing two of those evil bastards just completely
blew my mind. As if one of them chasing me around wasn’t bad enough, here was a
second one out of nowhere. And worst of all, I had to fight them both at the
same time.
2. Pokémon Red & Blue (Nintendo Gameboy)- Encountering
MissingNo for the first time
MissingNo is probably the most well-publicized video game
glitch of all time and probably the one that spawned the most schoolyard urban
legends and myths of any video game I ever played. I remember constantly
hearing about it and the subsequent infinite item glitch that can be triggered
by spawning the strange mess of pixels, so I certainly knew what to expect
after hearing all of the rumors and fantastic stories. However, I was still
totally blown away the first time I ever encountered the garbled mess of a
sprite for myself on the side of Cinnabar Island. Even stranger was what
happened if you decided to catch and use the glitched-out mess in a battle,
where it could spawn even further glitches and devolve your game into a
complete mess.
1. Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty (Sony Playstation 2)– Colonel Campbell was actually GW
Was I just talking about how the plot of Silent Hill 2
confused me? Weh-heh-hell…let me tell you about the utter insanity that is Metal
Gear Solid 2. The game begins just the way you’d expect it to be as you take
control of Solid Snake and resume the usual tactical stealth antics. However,
as the Tanker chapter ends, the game pulls a complete 180 and drops you in
control of a new character named Raiden, who’s pretty much the antithesis of Snake.
Nonetheless, you progress from this point forward as Raiden, who’s being aided
by a familiar face: Colonel Campbell, who assisted Snake all throughout the
first game. As you move forward through the game completing objectives,
something seems oddly familiar about everything you’re doing. And then they hit
you with a bombshell: the entire mission you’ve been a part of is a complete
fabrication, designed to exactly emulate the events of the first game. And if
that weren’t enough, when you find yourself inside of a massive war machine
called Arsenal Gear, it’s discovered that Colonel Campbell was actually just an
AI program, a complete façade designed to fool you the entire time. And not
only that, but after a virus is uploaded to destroy the system core, the AI
starts going haywire and Campbell starts repeatedly calling and babbling on
about utter nonsense. As if everything in the game hadn’t been outrageous
enough up to this point, I was really ready to just put my controller down and
quit video games forever once the Colonel started calling and talking about
purple stuffed worms in flap-jaw space.
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